Chapter 9 friends, lovers & families

Chapter 9 friends, lovers & families

Friendship :
-Is an interpersonal relationship
-Must be mutually productive
-Characterized by mutual positive regard (you like me, I like you )
*Trust
*Emotional support

*Sharing interest

Why do we seek out friendship and close relationships?

a)Utility purposes : help you to achieve your specific goals and need.

b)Affirmation : help you to recognize your attributes

c)Ego support : someone who behave in supportive and encouraging.

d)Stimulation: introduces you to new ideas, help you to expand your worldview

e)Security  : someone who does nothing to hurt you or to emphasize or call attention to your                                    weaknesses.

The value of friendship would also be affected by:

1. Culture

2. Gender differences

3. technology

Types of love

a) Eros : erotic, sensual, desire, lust

b) Ludus : excitement, fun, entertainment

c) Storge : peaceful and slow

d) Pragma : practical and traditional

e) Mania : extremist of opposites

f) Agape : unconditional love

Types of family :

--->Traditional couples

--->Independent couples

--->Separate couples

Family and communication

1) Equality : Individual in families would often seek an equal terms of respect, love and understanding with one another

2) Balanced split : families with a balanced split have a balanced amount of responsibilities

3) Unbalanced split : a mother having to work for money and taking care of the home but the father just stay at home unemployed and not even doing the housework.
4)  Monopoly : one person is the authority – a very traditional and conventional family setting

Chapter 7&8 Interpersonal Communication

Chapter 7&8 Interpersonal Communication
Introduction:
- Interpersonal – communication between sender and receiver; one to another; more than 1 person involved.
- The essence of interpersonal communication is through conversations and dialogues.

The Conversation Process:
1. Opening
2. Feedforward
3. Business
4. Feedback
5. Closing

Principles of Conversation:
1. Principles of Turn-Taking
2. Principles of Dialogue
3. The Principle of Immediacy

Everyday Conversations:
1. Small Talk
2. Excuses and Apologies
3. Complimenting
4. Advice

Excuses and Apologies:
We always excuse ourselves and apologize in our everyday conversations – for the faults that we do, we sometimes defend by giving excuses and apologize if we are really in the wrong.

Complimenting and Advice:
We compliment each other on things or likings that appeal to us. Compliment is a “message of praise” – the interpersonal glue.  
---->Qualified Compliment/ Unqualified Compliment

Receiving compliments is also a big etiquette – don’t expect favors when you do good.
You may have 2 options when receiving compliments.
1) Denial
2) Acceptance

Relationship Stages:

(CONTACT)--->(Involvement)--->(Intimacy)--->(Deterioration)---->(Repair)
                                                                                                             >(Dissolution)

Relationship Theories:
1. Attraction Theory
2. Relationship Rules Theory
3. Relationship Dialectics Theory
4. Social Penetration Theory
5. Social Exchange Theory
6. Equity Theory

Different types of jealous can occur:
a. Cognitive jealousy
b. Emotional jealousy
c. Behavioral jealousy

Chapter 6 Non Verbal Communication

Chapter 6
Key Topics:
1) Introduction
2) Functions of nonverbal communication
3) Channels of nonverbal communication
4) Culture and nonverbal communication

Nonverbal communication
is communication without words including gestures, touch, raising your voice, even to the clothes you wear, how you smell…

The ability to use nonverbal communication effectively yields two benefits:

1. The greater your ability to send and receive nonverbal signals, the higher your attraction, popularity, and psychological well-being are likely to be

2. The greater your nonverbal skills, the more successful you’re likely to be at influencing others 

Functions include:

1.Integrating Nonverbal and Verbal Messages

2.Forming and Managing Impressions

3.Defining Relationships

4.Structuring Conversation

5.Influencing and Deceiving

6.Expressing Emotions

In conversation, we give and receive CUES that we’re ready to speak, listen, or comment on what the speaker just said. 
These turn taking CUES may be verbal (e.g. “What do you think?”)

Body Movements – researchers identify five major types of body movements

1.emblems

2.Illustrators

3.Regulators

4.affect displays

5.adaptors

4 Proxemic Distances:

-intimate

-personal

-social

-public

2) Territoriality:the possessive reaction to an area or to particular objects. We interact in three types of territories:

---->primary territories, secondary territories, public territories

We designate our primary and secondary territories with 3 types of markers. Markers give us feelings of belonging and may also serve as status cues to others:

~central markers

~boundary markers

~ear markers

-Color Communication – evidence suggests that colors may influence our psychology and surely influences our perceptions and behaviors

-Clothing and Body Adornment – people make inferences about who you are by the way you dress, the kind of jewelry you wear, the way you style your hair, your body piercings, and your tattoos

-Space Decoration – people make inferences about you based on how you decorate your private spaces (e.g., your home, your office) How you decorate your private spaces communicates who you are.

Smell Communication (Olfactics/Olfactory) – communication through odor; odors contribute to our perceptions of health, alertness, awareness, relaxation, etc.

---Attraction messages

---Taste

---Memory

---Identification messages

The Meanings of Touch : touch conveys：

==> positive emotion

==> playfulness

==> control

==> ritual

==> task-relatedness

Chapter 5 Verbal Messages

Chapter 5
At the end of lesson in Chapter 5, we are able to learn about:
-How language works
-The nature of disconfirmation and confirmation
-Express confirmation when appropriate
-Use verbal messages more effectively

The KEY Topics are:
1)Principle of verbal messages
2)Disconfirmation and confirmation
3)Using verbal messages effectively

Messages are an interaction among the communicators using verbal or non verbal languages.

Principles of verbal messages

(2) Messages/Languages Are Denotative and Connotative

denotative meaning: word's objective definition, the dictionary meaning

connotative meaning: a word's subjective or emotional meaning

2. Disconfirmation and confirmation

Areas affected by disconfirmation and confirmation:

a. Racism

b. Sexism

c. Heterosexism

d. Ageism

2. Disconfirmation & confirmation

Racism – anything that make race looks inferior to another race.

It’s happen-everywhere & anywhere

 it should not be!!

3. Using verbal messages effectively

1.  Messages/ language can symbolize reality:

Example

When people say the product is good because of it’s name, you buy it not because it is really good(reality) but because you believe what people say (symbol)

When describing a person

‘David is so lazy and stupid’ – because you were told that David is lazy and stupid , you are drawn into concluding that David is lazy and stupid (primacy and recency principle)

Verbal messages can :

Symbolize reality (partially)

Express both facts and inference

Be relatively static

Obscure distinctions

The Miracle Worker by Helen Keller

Today, Mr.Anuari showed us a movie to watch. He said that after watchin the movie, can help us to learn how to communicate much better and more effective in our daily life. The title for the movie was 'The Miracle Worker', long ago in 1962.

Synopsis:----> The movie was about a young girl named Helen Keller, blind, deaf, and mute since infancy, is in danger of being sent to an institution. Her inability to communicate has left her frustrated and violent. In desperation, her parents seek help from the Perkins Institute, which sends them a ''half-blind Yankee schoolgirl'' named Annie Sullivan to tutor their daughter. Through persistence and love, and sheer stubbornness, Annie breaks through Helen's walls of silence and darkness and teaches her to communicate.

Another my version of Synopsis was:
A girl named Helen Keller was helpless due to blind and deaf since childbirth and cannot gain back her strength to move on with life. Gifts from Anne Sullivan tutor that can teach the young girl to fight through obstacles and hardships gave Young Helen Keller a new world to live. With consistence love and hard-work, both tutor and Helen made success in life, being known how to communicate and speak well. This give a huge inspiration to us that shows with hard-work comes good pay in return. We should learn from the movie so that we can be more useful and showing that people are not useless, they are just being lazy.

I like the movie a lot because the story tells and teaches us a lot of moral values and lessons we cannot learn throughout in education schools. After watching the movie, I felt dissapointed about myself and wanted to learn more so that i can become more useful and be more pro-active in life. 

Chapter 4 The Self

Chapter 4

THE SELF

Refering to the slides shown on UCSI LMS, self here is defined as the discussion and context of the individual.

-also be deemed as the way in which communication and interpretation of messages takes place within the individual.

for examples:Who are you?

                      What represents you?

                      How does others think of you?

'self' can be widened into:- Self-concept . Self-awareness. Self-esteem . Self-disclosure

SELF-CONCEPT - how you feel and think about yourself, for examples: your feelings and thoughts,                                                                                                                     your strength and weaknesses,

Areas that affect self-concept

-Social Comparison

-Other’s Images of you

-Self interpretations & evaluations

-Cultural teaching

SELF-AWARENESS- ability to discover things are known about yourselves

The Four Selfs – Johari Window:

The four different windows explains different parts of our selves that we know ourselves; others know better than we do; some remain hidden from others and some totally UNKNOWN to you or anyone.

Open arena (Open self) – known to self and others

Façade (Hidden self) – known to self but unknown to others

Blind Spot (Blind Self) – Unknown to you but known to others. 

Unknown (Unknown Self) – Unknown to you and others.

Growing in self awareness

Listen to others

Increase your open self

Seek information about yourself

Dialogue with yourself

Self-Esteem means confidence or the level of trust or assurance to yourself.

How to increase your self esteem?

1.Attack self-destructive belief

2.Seek out Nourishing people

3.Work on project that will result in success

4.Remind yourself of your success

5.Secure affirmation

Factors influencing self disclosure

who you are

Your culture

Your gender

Your listeners – small groups or large groups

Your topic and channel.

Self-Disclosure: Self-Disclosure’s advantages:
a. Gain confidence

b. Be more truthful about yourself

c. Make or strengthen friendships and relationships

Self-Disclosure’s disadvantages:

a. Lost of friends and trust

b. Additional pressure and burden

c. Living with regret

Chapter 3 Listening

As time fly by quickly it was the 3rd week of the semester. The 'extra' mark activity was yet again open for everyone on that day. Recap-ing the lessons learned from the previous class is very important, well said by the lecturer-Mr.Anuari.

Another chance I missed out to grab the opportunity having that 1mark. OMG :(

The topic Mr.Anuari gonna tell us today was about stages/process of listening, listening and culture, and lastly listening effectively.

Listening is a specialized process, a type of perception, by which you receive auditory signals.

Also the process of receiving, constructing meaning from and responding to spoken and/or non-verbal messages.

The 5 Stages of listening process/cycle:

STAGES:
Receiving: Verbally and nonverbally, Hearing auditory stimuli
Understanding: Decoding the speaker’s messages
Remembering: Retaining messages received and understood for at least some period of time

Before moving to the following ones, Mr.Anuari gave us an exercise to train our memorizing powers.
He showed us the following selected words.
Bed                  Communication          
Rest                 Listening
Dream             Hearing
Awake             Feedback
Comfort           Receiving
Sound              Blur
Wake               Positive
Tired                Noise
Night               Banana
eat                     happy

After 2minutes we are suppose to write down all the words on a piece of paper without peeking or talking to each other in the class. We later found out that most of us got the word 'Sleep' which is not found inside the selected words. This is because our mind helps us to sum up everything and got the word Sleep, which is related to all of the selected words.

Evaluating: Judging messages you hear
Responding: Responding occurs in two phases: responses while the speaker is talking

Listening is difficult.
It will be more difficult when speaker and listener come from different culture.
Language and Cultures:
1.Language & speech

2.nonverbal behavioral differences

3.Direct and indirect styles

4.balance of story versus evidence

5.Credibility

6.Feedback

Listening Effectively has different ways such as:

Participatory and passive listening

Empathic & objective listening

Nonjudgmental & critical listening

Surface & depth listening